I am pregnant. I am due April 6, 2011. It is a boy. His name will be Aiden Isaac Houghton. I hate being pregnant.
I cry all the time. For small reasons, big reasons, and sometimes, no reason at all. It's so frustrating! I'm NOT a crier! I don't like crying.
I'm constantly hungry, and some of my favorite foods have become major no-no's. Anything with onions, for example. And not because they're bad for me or the baby, but because my body rejects onions. Also, anything cooked in vegetable oil. I can't even stand the smell of cooking vegetable oil or margerine. It smells/tastes like burning garbage to me.
I'm easily nauseated. Cigarette smoke, cooking vegetable oil or margerine, certain colognes, the THOUGHT of mayonnaise (I can still eat it, but I can't look at it or think about it), onions, even certain movements make me want to throw up.
I'm fat. I feel fat, which is the worst part. Oh, and I can't afford to buy food, let alone maternity clothes.
My boyfriend's family hates me because I chose to sign the parental rights to my oldest sister without their consent.
Oh, right. I'm adopting. So even though I'm suffering through all of this bullshit, I don't even get to take home my baby boy. (Cue the tears) I only get the scars of the pregnancy, both physical and emotional, and a new nephew, who will grow up 1500 miles away from me.
I'm tired of people's pity. I'm tired of hearing that I'm doing the right thing. I'm tired of people telling me how responsible and unselfish I am for my choice. Because I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT. I don't want to lose him. I want him to be mine. I love feeling him move around in my womb. I love talking to him, murmuring little nothings to him. I want to hold him in my arms and feed him.
Phone call. Going to finish this later.
