Okay, someone? Anyone?

So I stayed up tonight, just waiting for a sign. For what? I don't know. What kind?? I don't know that either. Maybe just an email, or a phone call. But of course, I got neither. Maybe that in itself is a sign.



I've been thinking about my life, which is never good. Thinking about life makes my moods spiral into a whirlwind of depression. I stop eating, talking, and even doing anything. I lay in my room, brooding or napping. I don't interact with anyone, unless it's to snap at my sister about some idiotic thing she's done, or hasn't done, and then mom gets upset, so my moods are even further down the drain.



And it doesn't help that this guy is creating so many problems for me. I know he doesn't do it on purpose, but he's helping me ruin my life. I don't know if he's a liar and a fraud, or a martyr, and like it would Dr. Gregory House, it pisses me off. He says he's been having minor heart attacks, but honestly? I don't know what to believe. He nearly passes out after school today (Okay, yesterday...), and it seemed like he was having a heart attack, but they never sent for an ambulance, which makes me wonder where the HELL he got his acting skills. 'Cause he said that he was "pretending" to be drunk. If he was able to pretend THAT for the duration of Homecoming, then..., well, what else was he faking?
And, because I entered the group because of him, I am being shunned. Great. Crazy said it's because Gage is trying to hide a secret from me, and can tell everyone else, but they can't tell me, they're scared to talk to me, else it will slip. This must've been huge.

I've also lost EVERY MINUTE HOPE that I will ever be loved, and/or get married. I'm so tired of fickle men who one week, leads you on, and the next week lies to you to go out with another chick. That just pisses me off.

During 1st period today (yesterday), we were talking about abortion (closely related to aberration. In fact, they're even both in the same spell check). I read an article on how they abort the fetus. It's so awful, it made my stomach turn. For the first trimester, they insert a saline solution into the womb. And it doesn't just kill the baby, oh no! It burns the baby alive. Monitors actually have recorded the baby trying to flee the oncoming wall of fire. The fetus is alive. It has survival mode! It is a creature with a will to live. And "mothers" consider this NOT murder??!? And after the first trimester, it's almost as horrid. The Doctor, who apparently has no concerns for human life, induces labor, then stabs the baby at the base of the skull, carefully NOT killing it at that point. He/she (though it's hard to imagine an female doing such a horrendous act to a baby) then inserts a vacuum into the hole, and sucks the baby's brains out. The baby is obviously crying at one point. How can the ex-mother stand to hear the baby wailing for its mother's warmth, and its scream of pain when the stab-wound is made??
As I was telling this information to the class, one of the girls yelled out, "And then the doctor eats the brains, right?" and the room was filled with raucous laughter. Except for the other girls who were crying with me. Some people had to leave the room, and I don't blame them. I told the story with so much passion, I'm sure some became nauseous.

But in all my other classes, I have become invisible. No one takes note of me, comes up to talk, or asks for help. Only a select few will even acknowledge me, besides the teacher, unless it's to poke fun.
I'm tired of being alienated and estranged. I feel so alone. And it Obama does NOTHING to help, as I am a McCain supporter, and more than 9/10 of the school's populace is an Obama. Maybe even more. So there's another reason for me to get poked fun at, and spit on, and candy tossed at me.
No one would consider me as Homecoming or Prom royalty. No one knows me.


Lonely! I'm so lonely! I have no-body! To ca-ll my owww--NNN!!

*Growls*

Dear Gage,
I know you are reading this, as you always read my blogs. I wanted to tell you, I am EXTREMELY pissed at you. HOW many times did we discuss the affects of alcohol and drugs on a body under 24?? HOW many times did we talk about my massive dislike to drugs and alcohol??
You've been begging me back for a while now, and then you pull that little stunt at Homecoming?? That disgusts me. I am soo glad that I didn't go to Homecoming. I would have slapped you. When I see you, I have urges to do just that.
I'm tired of the sappy notes, the eager look in your face when you see me. I am NOT going back.
Gage, you never really loved me. You never loved yourself. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
Good luck in life.

My friend does his math...

So one of my old friends is... well.. super-smart. He told me about this blog entry a while ago, but I never got around to looking at it. I read it, and I'm going to let you guys read it (emphasis on guys..). So here it is!

Math

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut
right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder
to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his
arm out the window and gave the woman the finger. " Man, that guy is
stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers! In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive
past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest
problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is
armed.Give her the finger? I don't think so.

Matt Rhodes

So, there you have it, one of the best articles by a blogger I've ever read. Now I just have to go and tell him I used it.. *shudders*

Back to school! YAAAY!!

Ugh. Summer got soo boring near the end. So school started on the 25th, and let me tell you, I was sooo happy! I've got amazing classes. (7/8 are enjoyable).
School helps me take my mind off of things, like say... How alone I am? My friends and I all argue about how I'll never find love (They're on the defense. I am of the opinion that there is no one out there for me, and I will never find true love. Ugh. I have to stop reading romances...) I've come to the conclusion that even desperate men won't have me. (I asked two if they ever would even consider it, they said no. They didn't want to "ruin our friendship.")
So, if no one has figured it out, I broke up with Gage. He was driving me crazy. I broke up with him the Tues. before school started. I'm not going to go into details, but he's been irritating me since. I think he's forgotten how to smile, and that's bad.
D&D started on Wed. Gage and I are in the same group, so it's a little awkward, but we'll get through it.
Okay, so my Birthday is only about 3 months away. I'm scared. I don't want to be eighteen. I know I've probably complained about it already, but... It's soo close. There are some things I'm excited about, like joining my DM's Adult Only group, and driving. But the other things, like getting a job, and bills, and living on my own terrify me.
Well, I'm going to go.