A quick apology, then the iPad. Which I'm sure you're sick of hearing about already.

Yeah, yeah. I haven't been posting. I know. Sorry. It's not like I have a huge following anyways.

So lately it's been slowing down at work, which leaves me a LOT of free time. So I've been reading the news. Well, mostly what Yahoo! posts to their front page, but still. It's more than what I used to do.

One of the frequent topics on the Yahoo! front page is the iPad. And I have come to some conclusions. But first let me say this: I have no experience with it. Never touched one. I also don't have an iPhone.

1) The price. It's some $600 for the smallest GB (that's with shipping, handling and taxes), and if you want 3G, well, that's even MORE pricey. For the largest GB, it's about $200 more, PLUS a plan. And that's WITHOUT the apps! The average cost of an app for this thing is anywhere from $0.99 (an iPhone app, which isn't sized for the iPad) to a $5o one. Granted, the most expensive iPhone app is $50K and doesn't do anything (it's a graphic of a ruby, just sitting on your screen like an app. To show that your rich. WTF?), but seriously?? The damn tablet is expensive enough! Not to mention all the gizmos to go with the apps!

2) The size. This thing smaller than your average laptop (I've got a wide-screen laptop anyways...) but bigger than your iPhone (duh!), and weighs about 1.5lbs. I've read it described as "heavy." Well, yeah, it's kinda hefty. You have to pack all this technology into a weedle thing about the size of a shoe. Maybe, if you break it's glass screen, you can do reps with it... In the article that prompted me to start writing again (read it here) he mentions that after playing with the iPad for an hour and watching Avatar on it, he went to fiddle with his iPhone (...He has both? WhyTF do you need both??) and his iPhone felt "puny." Yay?

3) The screen. It's glass. Which means if you want to do anything while outside on a nice-ish to beautiful day, you're fucked. Hello, glare! Also, if you want to watch movies with a lot of dark screens in them, prepare to see your beautiful face. Because the screen has the reflecting capabilities of a mirror (Which is a free app, by the way... LOL!). "You've never handled one! How would you know, froggoddess!" you might be thinking. Fine. You've got me there. But next time you pass a window when you're in the light, and the room is pitch-black... BAM! There you are with a clarity with which you can fix your mascara.

4) Apple. When the iPhone came out, everyone was sooo excited that the other cell phone companies made bank from everyone dropping their plans for AT&T (or was it Cingular back then??), only to find dismay that the iPhone was (even admittedly!) not ready for launch. There were so many bugs... hell, there still are. Not to mention the suck that was one of the patches. Dropped battery life by nearly 50%! Now the people who paid for the first-release iPhones are hopping mad, because they paid. How much? Nearly $300 for the 16GB! Now the price for the 16GB is almost $100. And you just know they're going to do the same (or similar) price drop for the iPad. So what's the point of buying now? Why, in God's name, would you pay such exorbitant prices for an almost-prototype? *sigh* I don't know. :/

5) The name. iPad. Quick! Close your eyes, and say the name out loud. What comes to mind?? An oversized iPhone? To me, I think of feminine hygene products. Or a puppy pad. Neither of which would improve if you added an electronic *anything* to them.

6) No camera. Of any kind. According to Steve Jobs, it will NEVER have one. Uhh, okay?

7) No Flashplayer. Again, I've heard that it will NEVER have it. Dear Mr. Jobs: I don't GIVE a shit if you think it's stupid and unnecessary. It's ALL over the internet. And Flash isn't going anywhere. Sorry!

8) Doesn't charge from USB. Yeah... I think it should have USB and wall-plug capabilities. I hate having to turn on my computer to charge my iPod, but some people are into that. Freaks.

9) QWERTY touch-screen keyboard. It's apparently got a really good on-screen keyboard. (Read reviews here and here). Biggest complaint? Hard to do it. Why? You have to awkwardly place it on your lap, place it on a table ("not the best solution due to the iPad's curved back"), hold it with one hand ("effectively slashing your possible WPM"), get a keyboard ($79), or get a case to prop it up ($39). With the best solutions taking even more money out of your recessioned wallet, I'd say it's not worth it.

10) E-BOOKS. To begin this section, let me start with these two works: FUCK. THAT. When Amazon introduced the "Kindle," I became infuriated. I'm a HUGE book-reader. I'm also somewhat paranoid. I believe that scenarios like Fahrenheit 451 and Equilibrium will happen, eventually, and that these "electronic-books" are a way for the government to control our reading material. They're also a LOT easier to find and/or destroy. (All electronics emit a signal of some sort.) The E-Book industry will also kill the publishing company. On a plus side, they will save the environment, and boost business for optometrists...

By now, I'm sure that you're all done reading me be a pessimist about the iPad. So I'll stop. But I'll let you know if I ever get one.