Okay, someone? Anyone?

So I stayed up tonight, just waiting for a sign. For what? I don't know. What kind?? I don't know that either. Maybe just an email, or a phone call. But of course, I got neither. Maybe that in itself is a sign.



I've been thinking about my life, which is never good. Thinking about life makes my moods spiral into a whirlwind of depression. I stop eating, talking, and even doing anything. I lay in my room, brooding or napping. I don't interact with anyone, unless it's to snap at my sister about some idiotic thing she's done, or hasn't done, and then mom gets upset, so my moods are even further down the drain.



And it doesn't help that this guy is creating so many problems for me. I know he doesn't do it on purpose, but he's helping me ruin my life. I don't know if he's a liar and a fraud, or a martyr, and like it would Dr. Gregory House, it pisses me off. He says he's been having minor heart attacks, but honestly? I don't know what to believe. He nearly passes out after school today (Okay, yesterday...), and it seemed like he was having a heart attack, but they never sent for an ambulance, which makes me wonder where the HELL he got his acting skills. 'Cause he said that he was "pretending" to be drunk. If he was able to pretend THAT for the duration of Homecoming, then..., well, what else was he faking?
And, because I entered the group because of him, I am being shunned. Great. Crazy said it's because Gage is trying to hide a secret from me, and can tell everyone else, but they can't tell me, they're scared to talk to me, else it will slip. This must've been huge.

I've also lost EVERY MINUTE HOPE that I will ever be loved, and/or get married. I'm so tired of fickle men who one week, leads you on, and the next week lies to you to go out with another chick. That just pisses me off.

During 1st period today (yesterday), we were talking about abortion (closely related to aberration. In fact, they're even both in the same spell check). I read an article on how they abort the fetus. It's so awful, it made my stomach turn. For the first trimester, they insert a saline solution into the womb. And it doesn't just kill the baby, oh no! It burns the baby alive. Monitors actually have recorded the baby trying to flee the oncoming wall of fire. The fetus is alive. It has survival mode! It is a creature with a will to live. And "mothers" consider this NOT murder??!? And after the first trimester, it's almost as horrid. The Doctor, who apparently has no concerns for human life, induces labor, then stabs the baby at the base of the skull, carefully NOT killing it at that point. He/she (though it's hard to imagine an female doing such a horrendous act to a baby) then inserts a vacuum into the hole, and sucks the baby's brains out. The baby is obviously crying at one point. How can the ex-mother stand to hear the baby wailing for its mother's warmth, and its scream of pain when the stab-wound is made??
As I was telling this information to the class, one of the girls yelled out, "And then the doctor eats the brains, right?" and the room was filled with raucous laughter. Except for the other girls who were crying with me. Some people had to leave the room, and I don't blame them. I told the story with so much passion, I'm sure some became nauseous.

But in all my other classes, I have become invisible. No one takes note of me, comes up to talk, or asks for help. Only a select few will even acknowledge me, besides the teacher, unless it's to poke fun.
I'm tired of being alienated and estranged. I feel so alone. And it Obama does NOTHING to help, as I am a McCain supporter, and more than 9/10 of the school's populace is an Obama. Maybe even more. So there's another reason for me to get poked fun at, and spit on, and candy tossed at me.
No one would consider me as Homecoming or Prom royalty. No one knows me.


Lonely! I'm so lonely! I have no-body! To ca-ll my owww--NNN!!